It’s been awhile since I’ve last written. We made it through the holidays. They were hard, we knew they would be. But the last month has been hard, really hard. Anything baby makes me sick to my stomach. I scroll through my news feed and eventually toss my phone off the couch because I just cannot see it anymore. I can’t go anywhere near the baby section in Target these days. I avoid people like it’s the plague. I put on a face when I HAVE to leave the house. I try NOT to leave the house. Like I said, the last month has been HARD.
But today isn’t about how sad and the funk I’m in. I want to bring awareness to what infertility isn’t. Because whether we believe it or not, we don’t understand infertility as a society. It’s hard to comprehend. It really truly is. Infertility is so much more than just physically having a hard time conceiving. It’s everything. My acne is terrible (because of PCOS), I’ve gained 60 pounds since April (because of PCOS), my emotions are all over the place (because of PCOS). You try not to let it consume you, but it does. Eventually it does.
Infertility is the “silent disease.” You cannot look at someone and say “yep, they are battling infertility.” It’s a struggle you’re expected to go through silently, because it isn’t the norm for society. If you talk about it, you might make someone feel uncomfortable because they “don’t know what to say.” But did you know that women rubbing their bellies and talking to me about their pregnancy makes me feel just as uncomfortable? You probably didn’t think about that until just now.
I’m sorry, but it’s bullshit. 1 in 8 couples will battle infertility, it’s so much more common than what we think it is. It’s one of those diseases where you’re suppose to kind of just deal with it on your own and in silence. If you talk about it, people think you’re just looking for a pity party. NOONE TEACHES US ABOUT INFERTILITY. Noone says a damn thing about it, until it happens to you.
Whether or not, we want to admit and believe it, a stigma revolves around those battling infertility in our society today. It’s true. We have to stop pretending like it doesn’t exist.
We look down upon those who battle infertility. We “feel sorry for them.” I don’t want your pity and your sympathy. I also “don’t want your child”, stop offering.
In health class, noone told me 1 in 8 couples will have trouble when trying to conceive a child. WHY? We talked about cancer, diabetes, cholesterol, blood pressure, and everything else, but there wasn’t a chapter about infertility. You’re suppose to just assume you’ll be able to have kids, so when the news hits ya, it hurts even harder. Because you’re body is broken, you’re no longer “normal,” and noone prepared you for this. We have to be optimistic, yes, but we also have to be real and stop believing nothing will ever happen to us. We’re not invincible. Noone is. So why is infertility different?